Dan Grows Up

Monday, May 16, 2005

I decided that I'm sick and tired of the search. I think I'm ready to settle down. I've been running from something, everything, nothing, whatever for too long and it's time to face reality and find someone that is halfway compatible and then work my ass off to make myself 80-90 percent compatible.

Is it possible? How many relationships have I had in which the girls were willing to put up with my bullshit, but my commitment phobic self brought to a hideous demise?

There must have been at least 3.

So, what's the deal?

I have a good job. I'm ambitious, hardworking and I'm going to give up on my dreams for a bit. I've come to the realization that I'm not going to be a famous writer like Stephen King, Haruki Murakami, etc. I think I've spent a great part of my life in search of the unattainable. I'm just not that smart.

I am however, a really good teacher. I know that because my students love me and they seem to remember what I say. It gets me off when my students start using words like "awkward, ennui, perspective, debacle," and so on.

But even when a person will ask a simple question like, "How was your weekend?" makes me happy because I know that person has probably never spoken a full sentence in English in their entire life.

Hey, I'm glad I came to this realization at age 25 rather then at 50. Chasing dreams can be great, but sometimes, you might have to just let it go. Maybe one day the butterfly you were chasing will fly back and land on the sunny pasture of your shoulder.

It's time for a green tea breakfast.

Dan

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