Pittsburgh Penguins will Win the Stanley Cup AKA Flyer's Suck

Thursday, May 08, 2008




This is the year I've been waiting for! With Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Sergei Gonchar,Marian Hossa, and Marc-Andre Fleury how can this team go wrong. This is the team that will make hockey cool for the masses again. Mario Lemieux's love and ardor for the city of Pittsburgh has brought the new hockey dynasty to Steel Town. In only a couple of weeks, the Stanley Cup will return to the city of Pittsburgh and herald in the new era of hockey.

Philadelphia may be aggressive, but they can't play a lick of hockey. They are simply goons and bullies. Who do they have on their team? Daniel Beardless: the pubescent wunderwhat?; Vinny Prospect: he's the tinman that plays without heart; ummm...Derian Hatcher: Goon; Jason Smith: Goon (Now that I think about it, the entire blueline is composed of goons.).

The only person that I respect on their team is Simon Gagne. Now that guy has hands and he can skate. I can't wait to see him play in the series-no, wait!-he was concussed. Darn. So many good players in Philly suffered from career ending concussions such as Keith Primeau, Peter Forsberg, and Eric Lindros. (It's because the goon defensemen are too dumb to distinguish their own players from their opponents.) Not to pick old wounds, but remember Bernie Parent? That guy was an amazing goalie-too bad that his own teammate (Jimmy Watson) poked out his eye.

O.k. RJ Umberger is a playoff performer. I hold him in higher esteem than his goon colleagues. But you know why he is the only descent performer on the team? HE GREW UP IN PITTSBURGH! He grew up idolizing Lemieux, Jagr, Francis, Recchi, and all the other Great, Great players of the past. He must have learned a few things. I promise you here that R.J. Umberger will be so star-struck by being in his hometown and transfixed by the black and yellow jerseys that he will, HE WILL, score a goal for the Penguins.

I know I haven't mentioned Martin Biron in this blog post yet. Here is why: there is a reason why he was a second round draft pick and why he has been a back-up goalie his entire life. Philadelphia can't seem to pick a solid starter (well, since Bernie Parent that is). I mean look at their history. He had Hextal (gimpy glove), Brian Boucher (does he even play anymore), Jeff Hackett (who?), Roman Chechmanek (just being a Czech doesn't make you Hasek), John Vanbiesbrouck (that guy had his 15 minutes of fame and a fat contract)-the list goes on and on.

Philadelphia will continue to be famous for 3 things: the cracked liberty bell, cheesesteaks, and cream cheese. Hockey will never be on that list.

You Might Also Like

1 comments