William Tells all

Here's a sample of a script I'm writing using William as a character. I'm only going to put up about half of the script. If you want to see the rest, then leave a comment^^


William Tells All

Monsters will bite your Ha Ha.

White screen. WILLIAM, a precocious five year old boy, enters the screen.

[WILLIAM can jump from foreground to background and he is able to control the story at will. He'll often do funny things in the foreground. FOREGROUND WILLIAM will be called FG_WILL from this point on. WILLIAM will be shortened to WILL (even though he hates being called Will.)]

WILL: Ummm.... hello...

Yesterday Dadda kicked a rock while he was walking and he said a word that he said I'm not allowed to say.

I asked him why?

And he answered that it is a curse word and if I say it then I would cause bad things for someone.

CUT to the scene. WILLIAM and DADDA are talking in their front yard.

WILL: Dadda, like what?

DADDA: Well William, like when you go to the bathroom, monsters would crawl out of the toliet and bite your haha.

WILL: Really! They'll come out of the kerplunker!

FG_WILL pretends to use the bathroom and a monster bites his butt.

DADDA: Really!

WILL: Number 1 or Number 2

FG_WILL holds one finger up and pretends to pee and 2 fingers up and pretends to poop.

DADDA: Number 2 of course. The monsters need time to get to the persons house.

WILL: No. Waaaay.... But Dadda! Won't you get bitten by the Monsters too!

DADDA: Yes, (sighs) but it's my punishment. I have to take it. And promise me William. You won't tell Blynda what I said.

WILL: Yes, Dadda... but, but...what about your haha...won't it hurt when the monsters come?

DADDA: Yes, but not as much as Blynda hitting me.


FG_WILL holds up a bat that has a giant hand on it and wears a yellow wig. He hits a pinata shaped like his DADDA. His DADDA explodes and the screen fills with confetti.

CUT TO WHITE SCREEN. WILLIAM is at the center. He looks distressed.

WILL: I will never use the Kerplunker again! Never, never, never, never, never,never, ever, ever,ever,ever,ever(repeats it faster and faster until he loses his breath and then turns blue, inhales and then)

CUT TO PHILLIP'S ROOM. PHILLIP is WILLIAM's 8 year old brother that is obsessed with ice hockey-evidenced by the state of his room. He is hitting a hockey ball in the air like Tiger Woods.

WILL: Dadda said that if you say a curse word then monsters will come out of the kerplunker and bite your ha ha. So... I'm never going to go number 2 again.

PHIL: Well, if you think that's a good idea,

WHACK! HE hits the ball against the wall.

WILL: Nothing will happen. I'll just drink milk 'cause it makes me grow tall.

PHIL: You need more than milk, midget.

WHACK! HE hits the ball at WILLIAM. HE dodges it.

WILL: Then I'll add stuff to the milk.

WHACK! HE hits the ball at WILLIAM. HE dodges it. He continues to dodge balls as FG_WILL walks across the screen as he is thinking of strange flavored milks. Pictures of the milk appear and as he passes each one he drinks it.

FG_WILL: Pizza milk, Steak milk, fried chicken milk, apple milk, celery milk, Blynda goulash milk, pineapple milk, pork chop milk, broccoli milk,

PHIL: Listen midget. Even if you just drink milk, eventually you'll have to take a dump.

WILL: Then I'll just seal up my ha ha.

FG_WILL walks on stage drops his drawers and there is a metal plate on his butt that says, "NO EXIT"

PHIL: It'll just come out another hole, dung for snot.

FG_WILL looks shocked and then appears again with bandages covering his face and corks in his ears.

WHACK! HE hits the ball at WILLIAM. HE dodges it.

PHIL: Hey put this on.

He hands WILLIAM a hockey goalie mask and WILLIAM puts it on.

PHIL: Even if you do that, eventually, the pressure would make your eyes pop out.

PHILLIP whacks a ball right at WILLIAM'S head and it hits with a loud THWACK! WILLIAM falls on the ground.

BLYNDA walks in. [Emphasize SHHHH and IT....]

BLYNDA: SHHHHHHH. It is too noisy in here. Shh. It is a house not a barn. Phillip Warren Tilly, what did you do to your brother?

PHIL: Nothing Mom.

BLYNDA: Little Willy. Little Willy.

FG_WILLIAM's face turns very red and he becomes angrier and angrier every time BLYNDA says Willy.

BLYNDA: Silly Willy? Are you alright.




BLYNDA: Phillip Warren Tilly! What did you do!?

PHIL: I dunno.

PHIL continues to hit balls.


WILLIAM furiously paces the blank screen.

WILL: Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, WHY! Why does Blynda always do that! Why, why why! My name is William. William! WILLIAM! WILLIAM!!! Shhh! It is too noisy in here. Shh! It is too noisy in here! Shh! It is too noisy in here! SHHHHHHHH IT IS...

William just notices what he said. He has a flashback and replays the scene when DADDA tripped on a rock. Dadda says in written letters, SHHHH@% and he replays what he and Blynda just said...SHHH@%

WILL: Oh no. My ha ha.

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