Damn you Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf! Give me my Red Eye!

Wednesday, April 07, 2010


image from chaemii.blogspot.com

I am quite hungover today and all that I wanted was a tall coffee with a shot of espresso (called a Red Eye), but I was refused at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. Refused! Boo. Also, while I'm the topic, listen up Korea, Coffee is a right and not some foofoo luxury item that you can charge a fortune for. And all of you boutique little roasters charging 20,000 won for a little bag (8oz) of coffee; I hope you all go out of business. All you little roasters suck balls [Oh, except for one in Bucheon (I heart you)], because often the coffee you serve comes like a tea cup and has the same hue. Coffee belongs in a mug! A huge mug. You need to be able to grip your whole fist around the handle. But the rest of you need to curl up into a hole and shoot yourself. 

By-the-way, I hate the current trend of coffee shops popping up everywhere. I lost one of my favorite little Korean restaurants to a no-name wannabe Starbucks. F-that!

All the little Mom and Pop coffee shops all serve coffee that they buy from Costco and most of them don't know how to properly brew a shot of espresso! Oh, and if any of you jerkfaces try to give me a shot of espresso that you have had leftover from an hour ago will suffer the wrath of Dan. I will smite you by beating you with the portafilter and gauge your eyes out with the milk thermometer.

And Dunkin Donuts, I hate you as well. I don't know who made the policy to add hot water to a cup of coffee as you are handing it to me, but that has to stop. The last person that tried to do that I almost had to throw my donut at her head to stop her. Next time, I will throw it (since your donuts are hard like rocks anyway, it'll probably hurt her). Dunkin Donut's, I'm happy to wait for you to brew a fresh pot. Do not, I repeat, Do not! add water to my coffee.


Oh, back to Coffee Bean, how can you sell an 8oz bag of roasted coffee for 17,000 won? Please, I can get a bag 3 times that size in the USA for 12 dollars. I know you're trying to seem more premium than Starbucks, but whatever, your coffee isn't that luxurious.


Oh and Starbucks. Starbucks...Well, I'm there so often that I can't really complain too, too much. Oh, wait...yes, I can. When you brew a pot of coffee, wait until the pot has finished brewing before you serve it. If not, the first cup is just like thick mud that can cause a stomach ulcer and the last cup is just like water. Oh, and Starbucks, bring the instant coffee mix that you have in the states. I actually like it.

Oh, I did find good coffee in bags at the Donut Plant. There you can get bags of roasted beans for 12,000 won. Still too expensive, but it's good for Korea and they have good coffee.

Sincerely,

The Happy Lunatic

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