Some Konglish I noticed as I was grading papers.

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It looks like an innocent table, but it turns into a weapon of battling doom!

Dan 

 


Happy Kwanzhanamas Everyone!

Dan 

I question the motives of Santa Claus.

Is he the pristine jocose fellow we all adore with cookie crumbs
crumbling on his red velvet getup, chimney soot on his white elf
stitched gloves, and lactate caked like cheese in his beard or is he
something a little more sinister. Every year he carries around
“children’s playthings” or “toys” to all the “good” boys and girls,
but come on are any of them really deserving of anything. “Good” is
such a tepid transient word.

I mean he runs around in his fancy suped up turbo sled led by an
alcoholic reindeer with a glowing red nose. And it’s obvious the rest
of the reindeer gang, you know Dancer and Prancer and Donner and
Blitzen, are all coke feigns. How else do you think they go around
the whole damn world in one night?

You wanna know the truth? I think Santa started out as a cat
burglar. You know since he slips into the house in the dead of night
while everyone is sleeping with dreams of Mighty Morphin Power
Rangers and Pokemon creatures grind dancing in their heads that found
a better profit model. He could easily steal that 40 inch flat
screen, dvd player and that leather couch - just bag it and leave,
but instead he leaves little trinkets behind. Actually, come to think
of it I wonder what happened to that VCR I had. I swear I left it in
my closet and where is my other white sock?

The trinkets, the wrapped presents, are calling cards- warnings
actually. It’s just a little warning to let everyone know that the
Fat Man can get in anytime, anywhere. The truth is Santa is really a
hitman on the run as the suicide count runs way above normal during
the holidays.
It makes perfect sense doesn’t it? Take a picture of Marlon Brando
and imagine him with a white beard and red suit and tell me he
doesn’t look like all the pictures of Santas you’ve seen. Do you get
it now? You see all the “Don’s” are “Santas,” the whole Santa Claus
operation is a cover, all the little elves are just short Sicilians,
and the whole darn toy industry is teamster run. The Mafia will never
die! Like, duh.

Oh, you know that song about Grandma? Well, it’s real. You see
Grandma was a loud Sicilian woman that COULDN’T KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT
about the operation and said that she was going to go the FEDs ’cause
her idiot brother was taken out. Now her brother was a sniveling,
powder puffer who couldn’t keep the two carnal fucking rules, “You
never rat on your friends and you always keep your mouth shut.”

Grandpa was sick and tired of his wife bitching and moaning around
the holidays so he called in a favor. Don Santacristos got the call
and Grandpa sent Grandma on a little errand down the street where he
said some nice fur coats were. “Right over there!” he said to her and
she just took her walker and waddled her fat ass down the snow
covered road for some mint minks and foxy scarves. But you see, Don
Santa was waiting behind the dumpster and when she approached, he put
the leather to the fur backs and BAM! ran her fat, waddling, secrets
spilling ass over.

Nine sets of hoof marks tattooed her hairy Sicilian ass so bad that
they couldn’t even have an open casket during the wake. She shoulda
kept quiet, but the whole family knew it was just business, nothing
personal.
Santa’s gotta pay the family you know and this is how he pad’s the
mattresses. He is the ultimate hitman. No one expects it. I mean the
toy running ring is the perfect cover. He can ho ho ho into someone’s
house and slip them a pill or stangle them and make it look like the
perfect suicide- very professional. Who would expect a jolly fat man
to do it. Huh?

Oh, shit man, I hear jingle bells. I’ve gotta go, but I had to tell
you the truth. Oh, no. I hear the sinister Ho ho ho-ing. I think it’s
lights out time for me. Whenever you get a gift on Christmas remember
that it has a price.

Merry Christmas to all and watch out for the fat man.

Dan

 


I am teaching commands today and playing Truth or Dare. This has been one of my least successful classes because the stress of the class has caused two students to cry. Hmmmm. I'm thinking that I'm going to have to rework it. I think I should just do my shopping class and forget the whole game thing. I don't know today. I'm sick and I'm burned out. I need to go home. Self-esteem level is at an all time low. I need to go back to America. Not to say that returning to America would make my life so much more optimistic.

Subconsciously I'm retreating into my cave.

Let's just get through today. 

Test again...where did my blog go?

I'm really starting to HATE Blogger!  I mean I wasted a whole week trying to get virtual PC 7 to work on my PC with Picasa2 only to find out that I can't add photos to my blog through Picasa.  Instead I have to add pictures through Hello through Picasa to my blog.  Now today (and this has been my ongoing plight since I started to use Picasa and Hello) is that I can't access my blog on a regular basis.  I'm currently on the search for a new blogging system.  One that is integrated with iphoto and macs more.  I'm also on the search for a new web site design program because .mac is ridiculously priced and actually not that great.  Yes, I'm turning into an internet nerd, but I don't care.  I like to retreat into my little cave.

Dan

--
Daniel Lee Gray
Yeoksam, Seoul, South Korea
MSN dnlgray

 


My 3rd and 4th graders have a test today. Class is canceled. Yay!!!! I mean I am outraged. I had great lessons planned today in order to infect them with the English Language! 

 


Look! Spiderman

It is my busy day. I have 3rd grade classes and 2 4th grade classes. I'm doing my puzzles class today. I'm getting the 4th graders to copy a passage off the board and the 3rd graders I'm making them give directions to a blind folded student. The blindfolded student must find the ball. 

 


It is time to go look for a new apartment. Wish me luck.

Dan 

 


I love teaching in Korea. Yeah, the food tends to get boring, the dating scene is elusive, riding the subways is akin to a week's worth of constipation, strange smells smack you like a Al Quada bombshell, oh and shopping in department stores is like running a gauntlet while a myriad of short skirted, aggressive, girls push toothpaste and ketchup like it was crack.

If you teach in Korea you can be a rockstar. The only requirements are that you have to be interesting and be able to speech English. 

 


Seriously....look at the toliet. I'd be afraid of falling on my ass and pissing all over myself. It's not pretty, but then again, my ass touches the asses of thousands of others when I sit on the porcelain throne. But still...I don't like to fight gravity when I'm taking a dump.

Dan 

 


So I spend most of my time at school fooling around on the computer instead of making fully engrossing English lesson plans for my wonderfully cool students. Last week I did a class on Harry Potter and a board game- Truth or Dare. I'm finding that it's getting harder to come up with good material. I'm thinking for third graders that I should do a directions class, but I've lost track of which classes I've actually done that exercise with and which ones I haven't.

I need to do about 2 more interesting lessons and then I have Christmas week, which is utterly cake, because I'm just going to talk about Christmas stuff and then show Elf. The last week, I figured I could show the rest of Elf or play games the whole time. I like to play games and it's what they seem to respond to. I need to get them interested in something other than Harry Potter though. I guess they also like Naruto too. There is some new kind of toy it looks like a squid or something. It's the new fad. Geez.

I think the next lesson I should do will be shopping and money. I could do a layout of a department store and have a photo presentation of all the things they could buy in it. I could give them a budget and they have to buy everything or I could simply....

Brain Freeze. I'm getting into a lull and I don't know why. I'm going to look for a new apartment today, maybe that'll get me out of this funk.

Dan 

Did it work? 

test 

 


Why won't it work? Huh? It should work. Test 

Hermione: Professor Dumbledore!  Professor Snape gave me an A- in potions!

Dumbledore:  Now Hermione, you need to shut up.  Damn bat Avra Cadabra! He isn't evil...like me!

Hermione:  But he is working for Voldemort!

Dumbledore: Run along girl or I'll turn you into a dung beetle!

                Hermione Leaves

Hermione: Professor sure is acting strange.  I'll put on this invisiblity cloak and follow him.

                Professor Dumbledore takes off his mask to reveal, gasp, that he is really Voldemort!

Voldemort: Snape!  Cruxio!  Hermione is suspicious!  Cruxio again!

Snape: Master...Ow...Sorry....She was bothering me!  Ow.

Voldemort: I'll turn you into a dog! POOOF

Snape:  Woof.  Woof.

*******************

Hermione: Harry, Ron, Professor Dumbledore is really Voldemort!

Harry and Ron: Oh, no!  What should we do?

Ron: Wait.  I have a plan.

*********************

Harry: Professor.  Here is a present from me.  Good-bye!

Professor Dumbledore: That's so nice!  (I'm still going to kill you.)

Hermione: And me. Bye.

Ron: And me! Bye

Professor Dumbledore:  How nice.  They must be clocks.  Maybe I shouldn't kill them.

TICK TICK TICK BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It didn't work It said my blog is worth $0.00

Let's try it again.

My blog is worth exactly:



How's that for an ego boost?

Dan

I wish I could simply just write instead of trying to find the best way to do this stuff. For example, I hate the fact that I can never find images when I'm adding photos to blogger. That's why I need virtual PC. I think I've had it, but I couldn't get it work.

Well, there's one image, but I can't see it :(



I just don't like adding photos by HTML.

Alright, let's see if I can add some Ali G:



Alright enough of this. I'm going to find a better blogging client unless I can get Picasa2 on my Mac. If only iPhoto had a blogging interface!

Dan

Testing

Oh, here's a guy from Gyeong Ju.

But I can't add a picture of Ali G from my iphoto library. I think I'm going to have to get virtual PC and use Picasa2. I don't understand why it simply won't work. I guess I'm going to spend money on buying Ecto.

Forget it. I'm going to work on some papers.

Dan

Because Picasa2 doesn't work with iPhoto, I'm trying to find software that I can use to upload my blog my photos. The service I use is blogger and I don't really want to change because I think that I've already placed a year of my life on it. Honestly, I wish I could simply transfer all the information over, but heh, I'm lazy. Maybe I should find a blog service that integrates with Mac more.

I'm watching Ali G season one and it just annoys the crap out of me and I'm going to delete it. He's not funny and honestly, he simply annoys the hell out of me. Time to delete.

Wait a second...

Let's see if I can add a photo. I added it using ecto's iphoto button, but I don't see it.

--
Daniel Lee Gray
Yeoksam, Seoul, South Korea
MSN dnlgray
e-mail: dnlgray@gmail.com
homepage: www.homepage.mac.com/happylunatic

Read my blogs at www.happylunatic.blogspot.com

Sometimes you've just gotta put it all on the line and go for broke in this poker game we call life.

Yo, my new podcast is up. In this episode, DEconstructacon comes out and then conks out and I give up on love.

I'm watching Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind and I've resolved to
give up on love. I don't want to try to find it anymore. I want it
to hit me like a Mack Truck without any breaks. The internet is so
blah!!! Therefore, I am deleting any embarrassing profile I put on
any personal site.

Here is one from 2 years ago. I erased it, but I thought you would
like to see some desperate seething. Now you can see why I'm single :)

Hamlet looking for his Ophelia.

To start, I'm not on Prozac. But, I think if Hamlet was on Prozac
then he and Ophelia would have had a wonderful loving relationship.

I'm a huge Shakespeare fan and I think Hamlet is a masterpiece, but I
don't want to be coined as an intellectual know it all, because I'm
just as happy watching anime, cooking a great meal, or listening to
XPN. I love to learn new things. My last project was to learn how to
bake wonderful desserts (I have a margarita cheesecake that'll knock
your socks off), my current project is to learn the Korean language
and hopefully teach ESL in Korea in the near future.

I'm seeking someone that is intelligent, that loves conversation,
someone that loves the subtle pleasures of existence, and willing to
throw it all on the line and go for broke.

A little more? Well, I'm looking for someone discriminating, patient,
exciting, that loves Nick Hornsby (at least "High Fidelity" and
"About a Boy," How to Be Good...I have issues with.), Li-Young Lee,
The Adventures of Cavalier and Clay, Cowboy Bebop, Inuyasha, and of
course - The Food Network.

Adding Album Cover Art to iTunes

I had fooled around with doing this once or twice before, but didn't find it intuitive. So to save you the trouble of figuring it for yourself, here's a short tutorial.

1) Open iTunes and select an entire album (using the shift or control key to select multiple songs) and then right click to open the "Get Info" dialog box.

2) Open a browser window with the album cover art you want, and click and drag the image over to iTunes. Hover over the iTunes button in your task bar and the "Multiple Song Information" box will pop open.

3) Now simply release your mouse over the empty Artwork panel and click OK. Then respond “Yes” to “Are you sure you want to change the artwork for multiple items?” question.

 

Besides my family and my friends, I miss hockey. It's been almost 2 years since I've seen a game. My whole family would sit down and watch the hockey games with an order of pizza and hot wings on the way.

The NHL seems so exciting these days and I'm stuck in a country where archery and badminton and golf are the national past times. I need a puck to the face, an icebath. Give me a hockey stick and the feel of chipped ice turning to dew on my breath. 

First of all, Picasa is amazing. I don't believe how many cool features it has. I think it is more user friendly than iphoto. I really need to get a copy of virtual PC, because Apple doesn't make the best software and neither does Microsoft. I think it is Google.

Have you checked out Google Earth? It is utterly mindbending to think that this software exists. I mean I'm in South Korea and I can zero in on my home and see the present changes. I know it's not present present, but I haven't been home in a year and a half, so it is pretty new to me.

Oh, and Picasa2? It is SOOOO user friendly. It instantly catalogs everything and it makes it easy to find. I can blog it right away AND it is easy to find. The Google Desktop search is as good as Apple too.

Don't get me wrong. I love my Mac OS, but there are little things that utterly drive me nuts. Like the other day, I was trying to get my Logitech 250 USB headset to work. I had it plugged in and I could record myself, but I couldn't hear sound coming through the earphones. I routed and rerouted and tried for a couple of days until I magically hit the mute and unmute button in systems preferences tab. Finally it worked. But then, I didn't make connection until I did a search and someone else said this was a glitch in the system and you need to hit the mute button and unmute it to get the mic to work.

Anyway, it's back to work (I need a lesson by tommorrow.) I think I'm going to do a Harry Potter Lesson.

Dan 

Yeah, but I like the little hook on the end.  (Plus it makes the teacher look like the grim reaper ^. .^)
                           

A hagwon, whose owner is a friend of mine, invited me.  I am pretty sure it's going to be really nice since he has impeccable tastes.  I almost killed my third graders last class.  I think they broke into a stash of pepero and got themselves all hopped up on sugar before I got in there.   I had to regulate a bit.  Why is that Korean students will only behave when you start yelling at them?  I got all of them to raise their hands up in the air until they all settled down and talked to them about the value of keeping quiet while I am talking.

It's cool though, because they don't seem to hold a grudge.

I'm thinking if I should invest in a nice lovestick.  A hockey stick might be effective ;)  (just kidding.  I would never hit them, they're too cute :)



Well, it's back to class.

Dan

Ska gives me the energy to make to work on Monday. The Toasters are kewl, but my favorite Ska band is The Smooths.

Thank you Nick Shushas for introducing the world of ska to me.

Dan 

>
> thanks for the info.
>
> but in America calling a Korean a gook is like being called a n,,,,,g
> I figure that racism is just ignorance, so the naming would have been
> unintentional and rather ignorant also.
>
> thanks again,
>
> Dan
>
>

The Appleseed Armored Mechas are some of the best I've ever seen in an anime. The designs are sleep and rather innovative.

Dan 

Thanks for listening to my podcast. It's in the experimental stages so I'm glad I didn't get any death threats yet.

I've been called a twinkie too and a gook, but I think it's American stupidity that the racial slang for Koreans is "gook."

Americans are called Miguks in Korea.

And guk means soup and a person. For example a hanguk saram is a Korean person. A taeguk saram is a Thai person and a yong guk saram is an British person. So what I think what happened is that an American person was trying to have a conversation with a Korean and they heard "miguk saram" so they thought that the Korean person was calling himself a guk while he was really calling the American a guk.

This could also work vice versa if the American tried to say he was a person, a "Me Guk" or translated "Me a person," so the Koreans thought that Americans were gooks.

Don't worry, I've confused myself too.

And my blog might state I dislike Korean girls, but I keep dating them and they are sweet and beautiful and wonderful and lots of other stuff, but their conservative thinking irks me at time. I want someone who is a bit more independent in their thinking.

Oh, and my blog is my soapbox. I really love my students. I love teaching at this school, but sometimes they just wear you out. These are the largest classes I've had to teach too. I've learned in the last couple of weeks that if you establish you are in charge and just regulate the class, then it's smooth and wonderful. You just have to establish a line of respect.

Thanks for listening to the podcast!

Dan